I'm having the hardest time getting this post started. I've been sitting here for at least ten minutes just trying to title the damn thing.
I know I want to talk about the revelation about my new job. I know I want to discuss how utterly appalling it is to me, but I just can't seem to get my mind to simmer down now and focus. The predominant male culture of the company I now work for believe only women should answer the main incoming business phone line. I am now one of three women (there's the receptionist and the AR Specialist) who is meant to do this on a regular basis. My title is Staff Accountant.
I've been working for over 22 years and I'm still having to put up with prejudice bullshit and narrow-mindedness. This is not the company culture that was sold to me during my two interviews. The 50s a-woman's-got-her-place mentality just does not sit well with me at all. I'm all fidgety as I type this. I couldn't sleep-in today like I like to on Saturday mornings because I fucking deserve it.
I can't seem to get a break.
And then on the other side of that, I feel like shit for even bitching about this job. They way I lost my last job though ...
Well, suffice it to say I'm not going to apologize for being who I am. It's becoming increasingly harder and harder to compromise myself for other people who don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. It's just becoming harder for me to be nice and friendly and interested when I get nothing in kind back, muchless a response.
So yeah, okay, maybe the 50s culture will suit me when I decide to finally say "Fuck it all!" and turn into a zombie like everyone else. I'll ignore you and only pander to my base needs and wants. I'll be icy and false. I won't want to know you or be your friend. I won't care.
Oh man ... c'mon, I can't do that. I can't be that kind of hideous, humorless, asshole. It would be easy, don't get me wrong to be like everyone else. But I couldn't ulitmately live with myself.
I think what I really need to do is stop caring about what other people think of me. I like smiling and being friendly and outgoing. I also, in truth, like to flip people off and swear a lot, but only when the moment calls for it and someone's bring a douchebag. But my point is I like not being cold and unapproachable. I like being nicer then most people, because I don't want to be like most people, especially if they're so horrid.