Wednesday, January 28, 2009

"Are you there, God? It's me ..."

As a child, starting around 6 years old, I thought I had a relationship with God. At the time I didn't have a male power figure in my life and so I would defer my personal conversations to God. To me it seemed natural to speak aloud when I was by myself and know that at least someone was listening. For the longest time I thought it was God.

My favorite place to talk to God was to sit on the roof of the trailer I lived in and marvel at the vastness of land that surrounded me. If at night, I'd gaze at the stars and dream to be among them. As I got older I came to realize an emptiness within me, and though my mom had remarried and I had a stepdad I would still talk only to God about what truly upset me. But I felt hallow and abandoned, talking to God was unsatisfying because I came to discover that God wasn't there. He may be there for some people but he wasn't there for me.

My mom had been baptized as a child but we never went to church. I had to worm my way into someone else's trip to church if I wanted to go. I never expressed wanting to go to church to my mom, probably because I was kicked out of Sunday school for asking too many questions. My want to be in a church was due to my interest in the architecture. My trips overseas with my grandma always had me looking forward to the medieval churches and monk tower ruins.

When I learned about the Goddess I was mostly curious and spent time ruminating on this. The concept was new to me, that a power figure could be a woman was, yes, a new concept to me. It wasn't until I was 17 that when I thought about the Goddess, and even spoke about her to others that honor her, that the void where my soul felt like it should have been all those years was finally filled. I felt a warmth and light within myself and I believe it to be from the Goddess.

If you do not know of the Goddess, or don't believe in Her, that's okay. For me she is the natural way to self-expression and self-love. One does not 'worship' the Goddess, but honor her with thoughts and actions that are as peaceful and educated as possible. I do not judge your religious beliefs based on what I don't know. For you to worship God is fine with me. I'm happy you have a spiritual nature to your human nature. So please do me the same courtesy. If you vilify Her in the name of your God then you're being manipulated by fear of something you have no comprehension of.

1 comment:

dola said...

I always wondered where you first learned of the Goddess?