"Did you hear that? He's the perversion of nature. Wow, isn't that exciting!"

I did a four hour stint at my new job yesterday. Worked with the owner, of course after she took me to Starbucks and bought me a tall Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate (note to self: next time have them add a shot!), and also after the cook next door at People's Pub screwed up a burger order and brought us the mistakes (two Swiss burgers that should've been two Swiss veggie burgers). I unpacked lots of cool gizmo things and priced away to my heart's content. I rang out some customers, greeted everyone th at came in and had a genuine smile for all. The owner complimented me on my octopus tattoo and skull polo shirt, and we continued to bound over having been married twice, one kid a piece so far, early to work husbands, San Francisco, and Seattle.

I walked to and from work yesterday, with the October air breezy and cold against my cheeks. I felt warm inside, and calm. No drama or bullshit, no lies or pretense. Go there to work, leave it when you're done. No fretting. I can ask people to leave if they're being assy. The owner has her staffs' back, which is only 3, well 4 for the moment then there will be three. Tiny store. Smaller staff. Less people to roll my eyes at.

********

The family and I are headed into the southern abyss known as Ravensadale tonight to attend a pumpkin carving party. It's hosted by a lady I use to work with and I'm excited. Though the drive down there is something I am not looking forward too. But once we're there it will be cozy and fun, I think and hope simultaneously.

********

I recently came across a bag of stuff from my desk when I worked at CarDomain (as well as when I worked at Champion Costume & Display). I was the receptionist so I didn't have any wall space for pictures but I managed a few images to keep me sane, as well as bunch of little nic-nac toy things that stay easily hidden. However as far as the pictures go I found them to be fun and funny, and I was a tad miffed at myself for forgetting about them. I've posted some here to share.

This is the child when she was 2. That there is a pure and genuine display of happiness.

Some art from the child around the same time.

This is the child and me when I had blonde hair. Yes, you read that right. Bonde hair. I was curious! But it didn't stay long as I had no patience for the upkeep that goes into remaining blonde when you're not born one.

And a picture of Ian and I when we first started dating back in the beginning of 2004. Though he was undoubtly adorable back then, he is far more manly nowadays, thanks in large part to my patient tutelage.

"Greetings Programs!"

School pictures are this Thursday, which explains why the child had a small breakout on her face over the weekend. Poor spawn. I feel for her and make myself totally available to her for questions and concerns. I'm all about the customer service. She's 9 now and looks 11. I can tell she has severe conflicting emotional moments because of her furrwed brow, and I can clearly remember life at 9. I too had a stepdad, but mine wasn't a awesome as Ian. The child has a lot of love in her home environment, but not the kiss ass kind. I'm not one to blow smoke up someone's ass and that includes my child. I behave in what a I believe to be a realistic manner. I try to present my views with thought and logic yet lacking finality if the child wants to ask questions.

What intrigues me about the child is that she exhibits loads of adult behavior. Most notably, she goes to certain adults to talk about specific things. She'll give me the most basic of details concerning most of her school day but with Ian she becomes verbose and hurried. I don't mind talking about paganism with her so I'm okay with missing the frenized chat about a video game we don't even own. It works itself out, like most adult interactions. And she's only 9!

However speaking of customer service, I procured myself a part-time job working retail 4 days a week. It's very close to home, well within walking distance. It helps that I've been a customer, knowing the merchandise is fun and quirky, something my whole family is in to, build a lovely foundation of familiarity. As with all things, I go into this ready for anything and open-minded ... Wait, maybe I should stop that? All right, okay, gonna shake it off and go with something new. SAY! I know! I'll go as myself with my tattoos and my skull socks and Converse lo-tops, blue jeans and tee shirts, terry cloth wristbands and fuckin' Halloween themed earrings. I swear it's not a nerdy as it sounds. ;o)

I would also like to share the following:

Dear Jasmine,
Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, October 21:
You've got to think long-term now --
you're in a unique position to affect your future!
Even if you don't know exactly what you want
or how to get there, you can still make a good guess.

Sounds logical.

"You're just mad cus you're white!"

I'm on the email list for Brave New Films. In the most recent email, they discuss how horridly and blatantly racist a lot of the McCain supporters seem to be. It's footage you, or may not have seen already. I forwarded it to everyone, and I do mean everyone *grin*, on my address list. This included my ex-in laws, who live in Texas.

I added a line that read, "If you condone racism, hatred, and ignorance please do not read." To which my ex-mother in law replied with:

Jasmine, you are probably aware that I am against racism, hatred and ignorance. That is why I am voting for McCain. I know you will not understand, but I love America and find the attacks on Sarah and McCain extremely disgusting. This is the first time in years I will be voting Republican. Love You, Stormye

I guess she didn't actually read the email or watch the video.

I read her reply the first time really quickly and even clicked on delete before I finished. I read a few more emails, her reply nagging in my head, read some Twitter acitivity, and then went back to my Trash folder and pulled her email out. I read it with more focus and attention. I couldn't let it go. You know, I couldn't not reply. But what's the fun, or use, in that? I've been doing that for years where she's concerned. Held my tongue some would say while she pondered the lies, and may be some truths, about me, but she doesn't get to judge me. I put up with her unappreciative, disrespecting son for a number of years and it was always my fault that he was a shit sumbitch of a man. No, no ... I'm not holding my tongue anymore. I have as much right to speak my mind in a civilized and patient manner as anyone. I'm an adult and I can act like one, when it suits me.

My reply to her:

I respect your decision to use your vote in that capacity. Although I'm confused how you believe people yelling "Kill Him!" and calling Obama a terrorist is not behaving in a racist manner. But as long as you're not confused then you're vote will make sense. And actually no I'm not aware that you're against ignorance.

God bless.

--Jasmine

I'll admit that using the "god bless" was a jab of sorts. :o)

Email Subject:
1. Watch the video2. Sign the petition3. Send the video to your friends
We'd like to talk about the pressing issues facing our country: the woeful economy, rising unemployment, the housing crisis, and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. But we can't talk about them because John McCain and Sarah Palin have distracted us with the politics of hate and fear.
Instead of discussing the real issues plaguing Americans, McCain and Palin have turned to fear-mongering and race-baiting, stoking the prejudices of their supporters. The situation has become so critical that we've teamed up with Color of Change to put an end to these dangerous mob scenes.
Watch the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5mdIPNB8t8
Things have gotten so out of control that some conservatives have come forward to denounce McCain and Palin's hate-mongering. In an Op-Ed for The Baltimore Sun, Frank Schaeffer writes: "John McCain: If your campaign does not stop equating Sen. Barack Obama with terrorism, questioning his patriotism and portraying Mr. Obama as "not one of us," I accuse you of deliberately feeding the most unhinged elements of our society the red meat of hate, and therefore of potentially instigating violence."
Here's how you can take action:
Sign the open letter calling on McCain and Palin to reject the politics of hate.
Sign up for a free video subscription and get the latest on the real McCain.
Send this video to yours friends, and post it on your blogs and networking sites like Digg, where it will effectively reach those outside the choir.
Don't let McCain and Palin undo the decades spent fighting for civil rights and equality in our country.
Yours,Robert Greenwaldand the Brave New team

------Brave New Films is supported by members like you, please consider making a donation. You can get all our latest videos via email, RSS, iTunes or YouTube here. To stop receiving updates from us, click here. We are located at 10510 Culver Blvd., Culver City, CA 90232 and info@bravenewfilms.org.

"Life is what happens while you're making other plans."

So I'm unemployed again. Perhaps not too much of a surprise considering all the weirdass bullshit, psycho drama from my ex-boss that you've heard about. My calling in sick two days in a row prompted my ex-boss to call me Friday afternoon on speaker phone. When I heard that distinctive hollow sound of someone speaking on the phone with the speaker instead of the handset I knew the point of the call and smiled. It was going to finally end and I could stop fretting. My ex-boss asked how I was feeling and I played along and told her exactly how my cold was going. She provided some sort of sound of acknowledgement, then mentioned the two other people in the room with her. It was the HR manager and the company controller.

Honestly, I wasn't sure why the big deal. I had only been there a month, well withn the 90 day probbie period. But there the three ladies sat, probably in the controller's office, which I could picture and it amused me. So full of themselves to the absolute end. Wow. If they only put that much energy into being fair and honest, imagine the greatness that could be done?! Not.

And so back to the job search I go. But it's okay. I've got some solid and sincere support from my family. My sanity wasn't worth it, seriously the older I get feel less inclined to compromise. Have I stated that before? Well then I must fuckin' mean it. :o)

"Those who doubt me suck cock by choice!"

I love my husband Ian for a lot of things. First, I can trust him. Simple as that. I've known him well over 10 years and I'd trust him with my child's life, as well as my own. I trust him to be honest with me. And in the honesty lies love for me I still can't wrap my brain around sometimes.

Currently I feel like a right wreck. I finally "manned up", so to speak, and went to the clinic, where I wound up waiting 3 hours for the doctor to tell me I have a bad cold and prescribe prescription strenth Sudafed. Wow. Really? It cost $80 too because I'm employed and make to much money. I didn't lie about my income because they want proof of your income. I did tell the consultant that I was going to go quit my job now so I could qualify for free medical assistance. She chuckled.

But I'm feeling like a wreck because of this cold that's taking for-fucking-ever to go away (I'm not usually this sick for this long, or so I think), and I hate my job, and now my lower back is hurting a lot and my aunt flo's in town. I feel the best solution would be to step in front of a bus. My luck I'd get maimed slightly but not qualify for disability because I'm too tall or my hair's too red.

And I keep pissing and moaning about my job to Ian. He's taking it in stride and being very supportive, from wanting to cut someone on my behalf or just eloquently stating the obvious. I love and appreciate his patience with me because I can be such a random bitch to him. He really keeps me sane most days, which must take a toll on his own sanity. I got the following email from him the other day and it really saved my soul.

Darling, i think the reason you sometimes feel down on yourself is because of all the bullshit you pick up on from all the other cocksuckers around you. Now, i'm not one who ascribes to a particular belief system, but you are incredible sensitive person(not the cry all the type sensitive) who, like it or not, picks up on the vibes(emotional, psychic, whatever) that people put out and because most people are vicious selfcentered, self-hating, repressive dickcheese eating monsters, you pick that up and not being that type of person, you don't have the ability to reflect it back at them. It's not a shortcoming on your part, it's a gift that, in addition to having a downside, it also allows you to instinctively know how to be comfortable and friendly and loving with a wide range of personalities and is one of the things that attracted me to you. I don't mean to vent but i want you to know that i get what you feel, as best i can, and that i'm here to help you however i can(even if it means shutting up for a bit if i get a bit vociferous).Now start heading home and i'll see you soon, Sugarlips.MWAAAH!

"And you're gonna be a funny little footnote on my epic ass."

Shoot me.
No really, seriously, somebody shoot me. Not to blatantly steal from Adam Sandler, but put a bullet in my head. This cough ... *sigh* I gotta admit that I think it's some kind of respiratory infection. I've had a couple before.

The first one I ever recall getting was from the first time I was arrested. The Phoenix jail was concrete and metal, with nothing resembling civility. It was more like a holding tank to truck off people to faraway places to dig tunnels for diamond mine owners. Actually that makes it sound a wee bit glamorous. The cops working the jail were so hideous in personality I felt sure that wrong people were locked up. After my inital arrest and processing, before being taken to lock up in the main downtown municipal tank, a female cop strip-searched me. She looked more like a gym teacher then a cop, well she looked like an angry gym teacher in a cop's uniform. She certainly reminded me of a teacher the way she demeaned me in regards to my tattoos. I couldn't be sure if she really meant what she was saying but neverless she was saying them. Her snide tone drawed out certain words. She confessed to the heavens that I was either stupid or a satan worhsipper. It really was ridiculous what she was saying, stuff one could easily brush off by waving a hand at someone like shooing away a fly. Except I was standing wearing only my bra and undies in a room with a complete stranger.

That gym teacher cop woman has reappeared a few times through my working life. She's reared her ugly head as a boss of mine at least four time, that I can think of. Well, it now seems she's rearing it a fifth time.

My boss called me into her office Thursday and in no uncertain terms told me I pissed her off. Those words. I was floored. My boss removed her glasses and crossed her arms, tilting back in her chair to glare at me, I shit you not, she said, "You really pissed me off earlier."

I felt my eyes widen and my bottom lip suck itself in so as not to saying anything. But I was truly taken off guard by this and so remaining contrite was a survival tactic. I think. Just the week before she told me, "Everyone loves you!" So what happened to the fuckin' love?

It suddenly seems that I'm not pulling my weight and that I should be further along in my tasks since starting my job 3 weeks ago. She was real uppity about it too. The expression "Shit rolls down hill" came to mind and I figured her boss (the controller) was getting in her face about month end stuff. But still I sat there with my snack of pre-packaged carrots and dip, fiddling the cello wrap corner, looking around, waiting for it to end. My boss went on to tell me that I don't seem happy so something's wrong because it's important that I'm happy. I need to exude friendliness and happiness regardless how I truly feel. It was such hypocritical bullshit that I began to wonder if she was crazy.

The company culture that was sold to me during my two interviews was about family first, work hard and playing hard, open-minded, march to our own beat, none of that corporate environment crap here! Okay, I don't want to be a total bitch and say these things aren't there. They're just not there for me. I feel so fuckin' duped and cheated my dislike for the place and my job cemented within those mere 10 or so minutes my boss tore me down. It had already started developing a week or so prior when I was told one of my new duties was to be a second back-up for the receptionist. And even though there is a guy working in the same Admin deptartment I am he does not have this responsibility. Only women do.

The next day my boss sent me this long email reiterating everything she spoke about the previous day. She needs to see improvement, there needs to be communication, I need to have follow through and be a go getter and take charge but be nice about it. She listed my duties in detail. I printed up the whole thing and stuck it on my cubicle wall. I highlighted the duties and prepared a to-do list from it. I spent the rest of my day, including my lunch, working on projects that suddenly were past due or overdue or coming due. Yes, pretty much everything. I'm also not allowed to use the internet at all except for lunchbreaks, to which I shall refrain from using even then. When she had me in her office she stated that in the span of 3 hours I had only processed 15 or so invoices. She demanded to know from me if I thought that was right. I stammered, one would having their merit called into question so rudely. I said, "No, no I did other stuff. I helped the controller with a few more inventory recounts."

"Yeah," she said as she shrugged with indifference, "but that was only like 20 minutes."

I was put on the spot and felt like that near naked 21 year old again, standing in a room with an insensitive angry stranger.

The amount of drama I've experienced lately is not something I'm use to. Last week's double dose of shitty drama and then my boss humbling me are just more then this only child can fuckin' take.